I still buy myself shoes throughout the year, but March holds a special place in my heart. Next week would have been my dad’s 69th birthday – St Patrick’s Day, and he loved his green beer. Well, he just loved his alcohol. March 17th also marks 17 years since I last saw my dad.
Why I Buy Myself New Shoes Every March
My dad had a complicated life, most of it dealing with addictions, ultimately leading him to be diagnosed with Korsakoff Syndrome. In a nutshell, it’s a form of dementia caused by a severe deficiency in Vitamin B-1, aka Thiamine. This happens when addiction takes over, and eating isn’t a priority or even a possibility in a lot of cases
Of course, Korsakoff Syndrome isn’t just something that alcoholics can develop…but in my dad’s case, there it was. And despite the desperate pleas for the years following up to stop drinking and noticing the signs that something wasn’t right, it ended up with him living in a nursing home. Something I am sure he didn’t think would happen in his 40s or 50s…
Most times when we would visit him, he could either be found outside smoking, inside the smoke room or inside with his head on the table waiting for his hourly allocation of cigarettes…so it’s not surprising that when he died, he was found in the smoke room…and his cause of death was a heart attack.
So, where do the shoes come in? I promise we’re almost there!
When you’re a 16-year-old whose father has been diagnosed with something so extreme, and you’ve barely had a decent relationship with him, it’s hard. However, as a 22-year-old, I started to see the importance of having a relationship with him.
My dad didn’t want much for his 52nd birthday, but he did want some new shoes. We made a plan to go shopping on March 25th but on March 23rd, 2005, he passed away, and I was devastated.
I can remember telling a good friend how I never got to take him shoe shopping. It was a weird mourning period because I had just started to process of becoming his legal guardian and becoming more involved in his life, so I was mourning the things that I now couldn’t do instead of mourning the past. And her suggestion:
Why don’t you go and buy yourself some new shoes?
And that is what I have been doing for the past 17 years.
We Need To Stop The Stigma
No one chooses addiction, it’s something that can happen to any one of us, and it does not discriminate. The stigma of addiction is one of the most significant barriers for someone who wants to access help, leaving them even more alone. Not only that, but the available supports are limited and underfunded. We need to do better.
If you have someone in your life that is dealing with addictions, ask them how you can help. Take time to see the person, tell them that you love them, and advocate for better support and less stigma in our province. I know it’s way more complicated than that, but it’s a good place to start.